


A chance to have forever

by Jenevieve



Series: Peter Nureyev and a petulant (ex) detective [1]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: At least the emotional tension is resolved here, Canon Compliant, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Other, The romantic and sexual not so much yet, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 06:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21387289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenevieve/pseuds/Jenevieve
Summary: Set immediately after the end of 3.2. Nureyev is struck by a number of emotional revelations, and does not file them away.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: Peter Nureyev and a petulant (ex) detective [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563607
Comments: 14
Kudos: 97





	A chance to have forever

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant, at least until the next episode comes out (so like a month-ish? I'm assuming this season will follow past season formatting and we can look forward to two Second Citadel episodes next, which also, YAY!) but I could not leave these two alone for that long. I have listened to both the new episodes so many times I've lost count and my love for the entire Crime Family has taken over my life. And it turns out that Nureyev-as-narrator really really _does_ something for me ;)
> 
> I've seen some discussion about appropriate tagging for this pairing, and I've chosen to tag as M/M, largely because while Juno is non-binary, he is also still canonically comfortable with he/him pronouns. Because I myself am not non-binary, I am open to all comments and feedback on this. EDIT after feedback and consideration, I've changed it to Other.

Juno falls silent and I realize it’s my turn to speak. He’s just opened himself to me, left himself bare and vulnerable, the expression on his face caught halfway between hope and certainty of rejection. And it would have been so easy, and even just yesterday I might have taken that route and permanently destroyed any feelings he has left for me. But who am I fooling. Even at my most angry I’ve never been able to completely leave him behind. Roses and dahlias will speak to that.

My silence has lasted long enough that the hope is starting to fade from his eyes, but he is not hiding, does not avert his gaze. I find I cannot look away from him either.

“...Juno...I must confess that I had intended to keep my distance from you, to nurse my wounded pride in private, and to keep my anger and my humiliation as armor to protect me.” With every word I can see his face fall and I hurry on, not wanting to cause him any more pain, despite everything I’ve just said. “But you, my dear Juno, have always confounded my every expectation of you. I cannot promise to forgive and forget, I do not forget easily. But...I have missed you, Juno, more than I have wanted to admit even to myself. I cannot bear the thought of losing you again. And I suspect that I did not make your situation at the time any easier with my ill-chosen promise to disappear and never return. So. Could we-” And I have to stop for a moment, look away, overcome, to decide what it is I want. “Could we agree to start again?”

“Yes.” His voice is soft, but there is no hesitation. I turn back to see him still looking at me and the thought that he sees me is...well honestly it should frighten me, that I feel so exposed by his steady gaze, but all I feel is joy. 

“Friends? Is that what...what do _you_ want, Juno?”

“Yes, friends, we can just, start fresh. As friends. I- okay, I probably don’t have any right, but could I ask one favor?”

“Of course.”

He takes a deep breath, hands twisting in his lap, and for the first time I see hesitation, reluctance in every shift of his weight. He bites his lip and takes a deep breath. “I know you don’t owe me an answer. But. Could you just...tell me if I should give up the hope of...something more than friends?” My heart beats faster and I feel like I can’t breathe. He still wants me? This is more than I could have hoped for, especially considering I only admitted to myself that I still wanted him a few hours ago. But then again, I have never before gone slowly when it comes to how I feel about him, so why start now?

He continues, “because I know after everything I’ve done you may not feel that way about me anymore, and that’s fine! If you don’t. But I’d like to know if I should keep my feelings to myself, or if I can allow myself to hope for something in the future. Not right away! You probably need time to get to know me again, and we’re a part of Buddy’s crew now and there’s gonna be jobs and I don’t wanna complicate things but- I think I’m rambling, but you’re smiling? So I’m guessing that’s not a bad sign?”

I barely refrain from reaching for him. His face is so open, and I can see my own yearning reflected in his every breath. He is...everything. I take a deep breath and reply, “I do look forward to getting to know this new version of you, I think perhaps I can learn a few things from him. And no, no, you should not give up hope.”

His smile is blinding. It’s like the sun emerging from the clouds and I am helpless.

“Yeah, alright,” he stands and reaches one hand to me. “Friends? At least?”

His hand as I grasp it is warm, and soft, but I can feel the calluses and scars left by his life. “At the very least,” I say, my voice warm with promise.

“Alright,” he says again, and still smiling starts to move towards the door. “Until tomorrow then? And honestly, who knows.” Here he gives me a look reminiscent of the old Juno, a bit self-depreciative and wry. “It’s like you said, it’s been a while.” He shrugs. “You might find you don’t want this new me after all.” He’s turning for the door but I cling to his hand and in one smooth step move forward, closing the distance between us. He turns back to me and we are only inches apart as I raise the hand I’m still holding and, slowly, carefully, brush the back of his hand with my lips in the lightest of kisses.

“Oh that isn’t even a possibility, Juno,” I breathe softly, caressing his hand with my thumb.

We are close enough that I can feel his breath, his pulse, see how his eye tracks my lips, and oh, it would be so easy. I want nothing more than to ask him to stay, to pull him towards me, to feel him against me and to show him just how much I want him. All it would take is a single move on my part, and I know he would stay. We are frozen there, suspended in this moment, waiting for one of us to move. His lips are parted and his breath is fast. I can feel the heat of him, want to taste him on my lips. And it would take nothing more than to lean forward and close those last few inches between us…

And he would let me, I can see the desire in his face, feel how he leans towards me, we both want this and there is nothing to stop us from having this one night together.

Except. I don’t want just one night with Juno Steel. I’ve had one night, and it’s not enough. One night is not nearly enough - I want all the nights, and the quiet mornings, and the lazy afternoons. I want the excitement of working a job and I want the domesticity of sitting down together for lunch. I want to hold his hand, and sit together to watch Rita’s streams, and to bump his knee with mine under the table. I want to tease him about his wardrobe choices and be caught off guard by his quick sarcasm. I want to hear what he has been doing since I left Mars, and more, I want to tell him about what I have been doing. I want to open myself to him completely, a dangerous impulse for a thief, but he has always had a way of drawing out my truths. He has held my name safely, the only person I’ve told in decades, and the sound of my name on his lips is something precious. Yes, I could take this one night and he would give it willingly, but I would rather give myself to him utterly instead.

And so, with a smile, I gently release his hand, and shift my weight away, just enough. “Tomorrow, then?” I ask with a quirk of my eyebrow.

He looks slightly dazed, as though still lost in the potential of the moment, a flush high on his dark cheeks. But he recovers quickly, and anyone else might not have noticed his blush. But I did.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” He swallows, and pulls himself together. “Sleep well, Nureyev,” and with one last smile, he slips out the door. “Good night Juno” I murmur as the door closes between us, and I am left alone in my room.

My mind is whirling, the last twenty-four hours have been one revelation after another, and I should sleep, I did not rest well the night before, but all I can think about is the feel of his hand in mine. I should consider Buddy’s remarks about my...calling card, and the implications that she knew me before we ever met. And if she can track me, likely so can others. But I can not bring myself to care right now, and those thoughts are folded away for future consideration. I force myself to finish preparing for sleep, having been interrupted by Buddy’s visit, and finally, finally, dim the lights and go to bed. The thought of Juno in his room just down the hall is tantalizing, where yesterday it was annoying. But I calm myself with the reassurance that I will see him tomorrow morning, and the exhaustion finally takes me to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I want you all to know that I am in Grad School, and I Do Not Have Time to be writing self-indulgent emotional fluff, but here we are.


End file.
